The Tough Cookie Who Cried

What happens when we stop pretending motherhood doesn’t belong at work

She looked invincible.

Always put together.

Shoes matched the handbag.

Tough in meetings. Clients loved her.

There was a partner just like this when I worked as a lawyer. She had a reputation for being quite scary. Almost the Wicked Stepmother of the office; more on that label later.

Unbreakable.

Or so it seemed.

One morning, I had a meeting with her. She looked different. A little off balance.

I surprised myself by asking: Are you okay?

She burst into tears.

It was awkward, yes - but it was also human.

And what came out between the tears wasn’t about work at all. I had one daughter at the time and I felt her worries. Work like you don’t have children and mother like you don’t have a career.

She was terrified about one of her children.
But she didn’t think she could say that in the office.

That moment stayed with me. Because what it really showed was this:

👉 We never know what’s going on in another person’s life.
👉 So often, women carry motherhood in silence at work.
👉 And the “tough cookie” act is sometimes just armour over fear.

I shared this story in a workshop I ran this week, where we explored how women treat each other in law.

Here’s the truth: women don’t always treat each other well. In law and everywhere.

I’ve been on both sides of it. The one hurt. The one doing the hurting.

But so much of that comes from the stories we’ve grown up with. The wicked stepmother. The jealous stepsisters. The mean girl tropes.

We’re trained to mistrust each other. To compete. To hide the parts of us that look “too human.”

And yet… law isn’t a fairytale.

It’s people working with people.

And the skills our clients value most — empathy, intuition, connection — are the very ones we need to bring to each other.

That means making space for the whole person; including the mother worried sick about her child.

Because when women are treated as humans, not threats, this happens:

👉 People are happier.
👉 Teams are stronger.
👉 Clients are better served.
👉 Firms are more profitable.

The problem feels big. The solution is simple.

Reach out first.

Don’t wait for the “scary” partner, the aloof colleague, the struggling associate.

Be the one who makes the first move.

If we want women in law to not just stay, but thrive, we have to be honest about how we treat each other — and we have to stop pretending motherhood doesn’t exist in the workplace.

Yes, things are shifting. But too many women are still carrying the weight of work and children in silence. And it shows up everywhere: in confidence, mental health, boundaries, and whether they can simply be happy humans.

This matters.

Be an ally.

PS: This is why I do what I do; from creating Mother Circles where women can exhale, to mentoring professionals in male-dominated industries, to helping firms create cultures where motherhood isn’t something to hide. If you’ve ever carried the weight of your children’s struggles in silence at work, you don’t have to carry it alone.

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